Speech, Sweat, and Swinging

M, W.  My water babies.

I am a far from perfect mother.  I know this.  I ramble on and on about how happy the boys make me and how much I like being home with them.  And it's true.
But I am worried that sometimes I am not even a good mom. Sure, I love the boys.  Sure, I don't slap them or forget to change their diapers.  They always have enough food to eat and I do my best to keep them safe.  They are obviously happy and healthy and as a mom, what more could I really ask for?

I try not to compare the boys to other kids their age or even myself to other mothers.  But I can't shake the worry I feel that some of the issues we are facing are because of me.  (Shyness, lack of speech)  We are meeting with a Resource Coordinator this week to discuss pre-school and other programs in the community for the boys to participate in.  We also have appointments made for evaluations into Speech Therapy.  I'm not worried about their mental development or their shyness.  They are obviously smart and adorable sweet, albeit shy with strangers.  But I think we are doing the right thing looking into these resources again.
Mason communicates extremely effectively, but with no words.  If he doesn't want a snack offered to him, he will shake his head, grab my hand  and lead me to the pantry where he will show me clearly what he wants.  Or he will make me guess and shake his head until I guess correctly and then he'll nod enthusiastically and applaud me.  And William has been doing a lot of attempts at words and has been putting words together, a little unclear, but he's doing it.  Like last when I asked him why he wasn't sitting in the tub and he said, "It's hot!"  (Which it was practically scalding, poor baby!)  We are confident they know the words and I can't tell you how excited I am for them to say them.

Yesterday I took them to a birthday party for their friend, Levi.  Of course I'm used to being with both of the boys alone- we have grown quite used to each other over the past two and a half years.  We love when Aaron is with us also (obviously) but sometimes I swear I don't know how I survive by myself.  The beginning and the end of the party were rough but we had a blast in the middle.  I'm glad it was at such a good friend's home because I knew the boys were not being judged for having a difficult time.  (And I wasn't being judged for getting sweaty and nervous looking when they cried very loudly in the middle of a room filled with happy people just trying to celebrate a birthday).  I love watching them play with other kids and seeing them smile.  I just wish we could talk to each other before they have these little panic attacks.  :(

Love,
Jessica
Pics of our backyard shenanigans:

M

W tree climbing

M  

W

M

W-- I wish you could hear this laughter!

M swinging, W waiting very closely for his turn

M 

M, W.  Lunch time with excellent posture

M, W.  Such big boys!

M stealing a tupperware of almonds out of Dad's lunch and hiding in the corner to eat them as quickly as possible.

  

William's new thing: get ice cubes out of the freezer, play with them until they melt, then dump the water in various cupboards

W, M skyping with Gaga and PapPap while having lunch